Last month while I was away in Dubai an ex messaged me. I mentioned this in my last post about “Is Sexting Cheating?” because this guy is not only a serial cheater but also a serial sexter. I didn’t entertain him and swiftly stopped any possibility of a conversation that he was obviously fishing for and told him I was far too busy on my sun lounger to entertain a loser like him and blocked him. When I returned home I mentioned this to a mutual friend who thought it was hilarious as she had seen him having a very public conversation on Facebook with another mutual friend that all now made sense to her. They’d been talking about me!
Naturally curious I had a look at his Facebook page and there it was for all to see (did I mention he does actually have a girlfriend) a conversation that made no sense to anyone else apart from it clearly being about me and posted just after he had messaged me.
It went something like this….
Him: Think it’s time for the beer garden!! Where are you ***** (mutual friend)? On a sun lounger?
Friend: Was at work LAD!!
Him: Haha lad thought you might have had chance to sun bathe but then again we all don’t have time to go on holiday on our own!!
Friend: All work no play for me lad, don’t have life of riley like some…….
Him: Exactly lad we can’t all be on sun loungers all day can we!!
Him: (day later) Surely you made it to the sun loungers today ****** (mutual friend)?
Friend: Germans beat me
Him: Haha I bet somebody else had a nice day on their sun lounger today!
Maybe this wasn’t about me and maybe it was just an absolute coincidence that it happened just after my sun lounger comment to him. And maybe pigs actually do fly over East Lancashire.
As tempting as it was to go keyboard warrior on them and post a reply, given that it was public and open to comments, I refrained. I very much wanted to point out their factual inaccuracies. Or that it was indeed about me so his girlfriend would question why he was contacting me in the first place. But instead, I just gave them both squeaky bum time and liked their comments and said nothing. Sometimes silence is golden.
Get your facts right
It was tempting to correct their “facts” but I did think their interpretation showed their level of bitterness towards me. But why?
I was in Dubai for work. I did have some downtime. I did make use of the pool sun loungers, I shopped, I went to the beach, I went to some nice places. I explored Dubai. I’m lucky that as part of my work I get to do stuff like that and I have been to some great places in the past couple of years. But there is a flip side to that and just because I don’t post that to social media it doesn’t mean to say it’s all first-class travel and 7-star hotels.
That’s the thing with social media. Most of us only post our best side. Granted there are the cryptic or sometimes not so cryptic posts about peoples shit lives or current shit situations. But as grown-ups, most of us see the downside of this or like to only show our good side. That’s not to say there are bad sides. We just don’t publicly show it.
It may all look like sunshine and sandy beaches on the outside, the good side, but you don’t see the 16 hour days, often 7 days a week. The 2am still sat at the computer praying for inspiration because you need to write a killer post by morning. Or never being able to switch your phone off. And there really is no such thing as an actual holiday. Or the praying to be paid by a client on time. Actual praying.
And then there are the real struggles
What did annoy me about these guys’ conversation was that they are both very aware of the struggles I have been through to get to this point. The ex-boyfriend more than anyone. He has seen first-hand the horrific events I had to go through in 2013. He knows the sacrifices I had to make to be able to live with literally nothing to be able to build up my business. But that’s what he liked. He liked me having nothing and being vulnerable. Because he was in control. Of me.
As his grip on me slipped and he tried to exert more control, his true self became more apparent. He really did not take kindly to me eventually cutting all ties with him. Granted his cheating ways kind of sealed the deal too. Now he resorts to bitter cryptic comments on social media. I can understand why he would have that attitude towards me. But why would the mutual friend? What has he got to be bitter towards me about?
Not everyone wants an upgrade
Some people (ie the two guys in the discussion) are happy to go to work 9-5 Monday to Friday week in week out. Working for someone else with 4 weeks paid holiday per year and the odd sick day if they need it. Live in a 3-bed semi in the suburbs. Have a few kids someday and the odd package holiday that they save up for every couple of years. And if that’s what makes them happy then great. But don’t mock me or be bitter towards me because I chose to upgrade. Because all of that isn’t enough for me and I would probably bounce off the walls of the suburban semi. I made a choice to never work for anyone else again which means I have to work twice as hard to make sure I have an income every month.
It’s easy when someone else just pays your wages.
But if you are jealous of my life because you aren’t happy with yours then don’t mock me, do something to change your life. Go and put your neck on the line and take the risks I’ve had to. Go through the sheer hell I did that brought me to rock bottom to make me change my life. And then get your facts right about the “life of riley” you think I have.
Why so bitter?
These two aren’t the only ones I’ve experienced bitterness and jealousy from. Some people have literally cut me off and now ignore me because I don’t conform to their standards of normal. Why?
Why do so many hate on those that achieve more or have more than them? Why do some view it as a competition to outdo those around them? Out misery them or out wealth them. Surely all anyone wants in life is to be happy? If my version of happy is different to your version of happy then why isn’t that ok? If I’m happy and you’re happy then surely that’s just how the world should be right?
If you aren’t happy with your lot then change what you don’t like. If you are jealous of what I do or the life I am building then don’t just wallow in your bitterness, ask me for advice. Ask me what I did to get myself out of the huge hole I’d been swallowed up in to. Ask how I can help you. Because I am quite ok with that. I would help anyone that asked me for help because they want a better life or want out of the job they hate or whatever they want out of. Because that is progress and not just being bitter and living with it.
How can I help you be a success?
If someone you know is taking the steps to build themselves a better life, trying to make a success of something, try to understand that you may not know all the reasons why. You may not understand what pushed them to that point of saying enough is enough. Or what is making them so determined to make their business idea a huge success. But when they tell you about the self-help book they may have read or that they watched The Secret on Netflix, don’t mock them. Instead, ask them how you can help them. You may not want the same things in life as them or understand or agree with their path but you may be able to help them get one step closer to their goals.
Give it a try. They will have bucket loads of appreciation for your gesture and someday they may repay that gratitude to you ten times over. And you might just feel a bit better in yourself for doing something good for someone else for a change.
But if you’re mocking me because you want to see me fail; hold on there sunshine because you just inspire me more. I’ll just keep doing it for those that want to see me fail!
Play nicely kids!