A Relationship Is Not A Destination

by 14 Feb, 2021Life, Relationships

Oh, Valentines. Oh, my sweet Valentines. It’s that time of year where I feel all sick and rubbish at the prospect of every smug married I know declaring their love all over Facebook. Boasting of the lovely gifts and flowers they’ve received and the 2for1 carvery they’ve been brought out for. But not this year!!! Nope! Good old Covid has saved me from having to stay in and avoid the deluded romantics – because we all have to stay in! And there’s your silver lining to this year’s god awful day.

I’m not actually that anti-Valentines or even romance for that matter. I just don’t like it being all about one day of the year. Surely expressing your love for someone should be an every day all year round kinda thing? And not just for your social media?

Don’t get me wrong I’d love to be wined and dined. But I don’t expect it. And I certainly don’t want it as an empty token gesture just because of what day it is. The best I can expect from the gorgeous man in my life is a KFC and a brew in bed in the morning. If he bought me flowers I’d wonder why. I’d also be worried as they make me sneeze like mad.

Dating Drama

Remember those dating days I had? They were awful. When I look back now I realise it was one of the most anxiety-inducing experiences I have ever had. Dating apps are also the worst thing ever invented. Granted they do provide some entertainment and I have about 3000 screenshots to look at if I ever need a laugh. But the whole swiping thing was definitely not for me. And as I’ve said before, most of the people on there aren’t genuine!

Anyway, after the apps, me and my mate Geoff started our own singles nights and all was going well until good old Covid put a stop to that one. But my adventures in the dating world did teach me quite a bit. Mainly how damn difficult people make dating! Honestly, no wonder people think it’s complicated. Women come ready with a list of requirements and men all want to date Instagram models with a hint of Mrs Hinch thrown in for good measure. They want a strong independent woman until they realise that also means upping their own game.

Do you wonder why so many strong, sassy, sexy, independent women are single? Because they are strong, sassy, sexy and independent! Every boys dream until he has to actually meet her standards! 

 

The Online Status

Then you have the women who want Mr Perfect and the YSL handbag gifted by the third date or he isn’t getting any action. And if he doesn’t cough up the Balenciaga trainers for Valentines, then steak and blow job night will most definitely be cancelled. But so long as they have the #couplegoals and Facebook relationship status then they might settle for a decent China knockoff, for the Gram of course.

Girls, and boys, getting to the point of being in a relationship isn’t the final destination! You don’t stop trying once you get the Facebook status or someone thinks your Insta photo makes you couple goals. Actually, if someone ever said that about me, I’d probably block them! And couple goals is most definitely not about the expensive gifts he buys you. That you’ve told him to buy you. That you had a tantrum over him playing on his Xbox for 30 seconds too long whilst you demanded attention, so he bought you a handbag. That should absolutely not, never, ever be your goal. You are a grown-up woman. Not a 5-year-old. Or his arm candy accessory!

you’ve Still 500 Miles To Go

No relationship should ever be the final destination goal. That’s how they become boring and stagnant. That’s when affairs happen. You should always be making the effort, being nice and looking for ways to keep the romance alive, not just on Valentine’s Day! If you think you’ve achieved something just because you get to click the “in a relationship” option then you will sadly be disappointed.

A relationship is a living, breathing thing that needs to be worked on all the time. If you’re only making an effort on Valentine’s Day then how does your other half feel the rest of the year? Unloved? Unappreciated? Insignificant!

You don’t have to be at the ultimate couple stage in your relationship to be appreciating of the other person. You can still be in the casual, dating, shagging stage, friends with benefits, and still want to be appreciated by the person you are “involved” with. It might not have an official relationship Facebook status, but it is still a relationship. Even if it is only a casual one. Upping the game for one day for Valentines and then going back to casual, none appreciating, doesn’t float anyone’s boat. Trust me. If you think you can win bonus points for this then you are probably on your way to dumpsville, block city.

Not Just Your Beau

Even if you don’t have a other half to get all loved up with, then be your kid’s Valentine, your Mum, your best mate. Show the people you love and care about that you appreciate them. And then do it again next week, and the week after, and the week after that. Keep on doing it.

And the same goes for it you do have a partner. Love, care and appreciate them every single day they choose to be part of your life. Because if we don’t already know it, showing and being loved it’s a privilege. Cherish it! But most importantly, love yourself. Because there should be no greater love in your life than yourself. Learn to love who you are because if you can’t love yourself then how on earth can you expect anyone else to!

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