People often think that death and tragedy require you to stay confined to your own four walls and with your family. Support each other. Be there for each other. Friends tend to back away because they feel it’s not their place to be there for you.
Make The Damn Tea
Better still, just bring cake.
Actually, that’s not a bad idea.
Ok, in all seriousness, just think about the flower thing for a minute. You should know your friend well enough to know what other thoughtful things you could give them instead of flowers. Just a little something that lets them know you are thinking of them. Don’t think that cake or chocolates are inappropriate here either. They aren’t if you know your friend loves them. What about some nice bath stuff or a candle. A nice, thoughtful gift that’s specifically for your friend will mean far more to them than a bunch of flowers that are just going to die. And prevent the onslaught of hayfever and a vase hunt.
Fake flowers! Now there’s an idea!
Food, Glorious Food
How about instead of telling me I need to eat and all the rest of the crap you might revolve around food, you just bring me some food? Like how much easier would that make my day? And if you aren’t a very good cook or don’t know what to make me or fear giving me food poisoning, then send me a takeaway. Honestly, this isn’t me food begging. Making dinner every single night to ensure others ate became bloody hard work. Every single night thinking about what to cook, what others will eat. Running the gauntlet of going to the shops (which is shit by the way in a little village where everybody knows what’s happened to you).
Do The Shopping
Do The Housework
Or just the little things like load the dishwasher. Ask if they’ve any washing or ironing needs doing. Funeral clothes need a wash don’t they. Death stops us in our tracks but it doesn’t stop the dust from gathering or the grass from growing. Again, be specific in your offers of help. Insist don’t offer. Or if the friend is close enough, just do it anyway.
Do Something Nice
If someone’s death is sudden, tragic or horrific one, then please, for the sake of your friend, don’t gossip about it. Don’t pass comment to anyone and if you do know any details that aren’t public knowledge, then keep it to yourself. Likewise, if someone other than your friend tells you something about it, don’t take it as fact. Plus, it’s none of your business.
Don’t Share Online
If you think your friend may need a little bit more help than you with tea and cake, my lovely friend Jeff wrote a book on grief called The Grief Survival Guide. He knows what he’s talking about and this book will be an amazing resource for your friend to help them through.
** Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I may receive an affiliate commission. You know how it is, a girls gotta eat.