First dates can be stressful. And coming up with first date questions without sounding like you are interrogating your date can be tough
Is Sexting Cheating?
Is Sexting Cheating?
Recently I received a string of rather explicit messages from a guy I know. What started out as just a normal conversation with this guy really quickly turned in to him telling me in quite graphic detail what he would rather be doing to me at that moment in time rather than being in a hotel room, a long way from home and alone. He was full on sexting me!
For those that aren’t aware of the term sexting; it’s basically the sending of sexually explicit messages to another person via text or other forms of messaging service. Be it Facebook Messenger, WhatsApp or Snapchat etc. It may just be words or your messages may contain photos or videos. Those kinds of photos.
This is all well and good and a great way of flirting or building up some sexual tension when you can’t physically see and touch the other person. If you’re still at the stages of getting to know someone then it can be a great way of sussing out if you are going to be sexually compatible with the other person. If you are away from your beloved and missing them it’s a way of letting them know just how much you do miss them. It’s also more entertaining than watching the tv.
The problem with the messages that I received was that I’m not the one named as being in a relationship with this guy on Facebook. Someone else is in a relationship with him.
It’s just like flirting right?
On this particular occasion, I didn’t take this guy on and overly join in the conversation. I replied with a lot of “Oh” and “Really” and didn’t encourage him. But he was full of intent in telling me an awful lot. But you see, this guy had previous form for sexting me. There’s history.
I’ve known him for about 9 months now. He lives a long way away so we have pretty much used messaging a lot to stay in contact. And yes, we have met up and ‘things’ have happened. You get the drift and I’m sure I don’t need to explain. But he liked to keep our friendship quite secret and would never acknowledge me publicly. By publicly I mean via social media. On the last occasion we did meet up at an event he acted as though he hardly knew me in public. Yet he wasn’t so shy behind closed doors. We did exchange words and after a couple of weeks of not speaking, he apologised for his actions saying he liked to keep his private life private.
A few months ago I became suspicious that perhaps one of the reasons he insisted on keeping things private was because he had a girlfriend. A secret one. If I mentioned other women he always laughed it off and said it wasn’t likely and that girls didn’t like him. And then he seemed to up his game and show huge levels of interest in me. I was away on holiday in Barbados at Easter and he spent an awful lot of time taking a great interest in what I was doing. And what bikinis I was wearing. His sexts were getting more and more frequent.
Take the hint!
This would have been all well and good and probably a good sign that he was genuinely interested in me if it hadn’t of been for him then telling me not to visit him. I had air miles to use and potential business in his area so when I suggested making his sext messages happen in real life he said not to visit him! But if I did happen to be in the area he would drop by my hotel for a night! Jeez mate, why don’t you offer to pay me by the hour as well!
At this point, I realised that actually, this guy wasn’t all that after all and not at all like the public image he loved to portray. He was actually quite a narcissist and if it wasn’t all about him then he wasn’t interested. I think I pretty much told him this. He didn’t like it, told me we should never speak again and blocked me on social media. Which is really pointless if you don’t want me to see something given that I’m a social media manager and have a lot of social media accounts. Anyway……….
Within a week he was publicly announcing that he had a girlfriend! Well, low and behold it was the same girl I’d had my suspicions about for months. I wasn’t actually annoyed or jealous. I just found it quite funny that here he was banging on so publicly about this wonderful girlfriend and what a great boyfriend he is. Being so social media dramatic about it that you’d think he just got secretly married. Yet I knew he’d already cheated on her. With me!
Is it cheating?
Naturally, we didn’t speak for a few weeks. A few mutual friends did ask me about it and did have a laugh at the endless hypocrisy of his humble-bragging at having a girlfriend just for attention purposes (kid with a new shiny toy syndrome) but at that point, I’d seen his true colours and he’d waved that huge red flag firmly in my direction.
The messages started again when I was in Dubai a few weeks ago. He was also on his travels with work so at first, it was all exchange of messages and photos of the “Oh look where I am” nature. I kept it light-hearted and friendly. Life is too short to hold being an asshole against someone and my interest in him was long since gone. And then that night happened with the sexts.
Having a cheeky flirt with someone is one thing. Telling someone in graphic detail what you want to do to them, sexually, is a far cry from a cheeky flirt. Asking someone to send you explicit photos so you can w**k over them is not just flirting. I didn’t send them by the way. And that is why I say it’s cheating. The level of detail he told me clearly showed that he had thought about it and had the intent to do it if we had been in closer proximity. And I had been willing.
The day after he messaged me to say he was sorry. Used the old drunk excuse and said he should never have said any of those things. I raised an eyebrow and laughed. You’ll be saying it was an accident next!
But you see I’ve seen all this before and typically it always goes the same way.
Let’s take a trip down memory lane
I have an ex that truly is one hell of a piece of work. If lying was an Olympic sport, he’d give that Usain Bolt a run for his money! He cheats like normal guys just pop to the shops for a pint of milk and totally justifies it to himself and his unsuspecting current girlfriend. This guy can full-on sext to the point he will tell you he’s about to you know what, whilst his girlfriend is sitting right next to him on the sofa watching Emmerdale. He would even pop to the bathroom to send a sneaky dick pic so you knew just how aroused he was.
Yes, this guy had it mastered.
And he doesn’t just keep his actions to texts either. He is quite happy to play them out for real.
After I dumped him and told him to never contact me again, he didn’t quite understand what that meant. So he took to messaging me to beg me to have sex with him. Actual begging! And he totally justified why it was ok to do that. He wasn’t getting any at home from his girlfriend and always enjoyed it with me. So that made it ok for him to cheat on his girlfriend.
And then there were the constant messages of what he wanted to do to me if I would just give in and let him have sex with me.
Like I said, I’ve seen it all before.
So he cheated right?
I told that guy on several occasions that if he didn’t stop messaging me then I would tell his girlfriend. And send her the messages to prove it. That didn’t seem to bother him one bit or stop him. Naturally, I was the psycho bitch for saying that.
Funnily enough, he also messaged me when I was in Dubai. I think some memo must have gone round on cheaters united to say it was open season on me or something. I didn’t even give him chance to say much before telling him to do one and blocking him yet again. That’s another thing with blocking. There are always ways around it. God damn technology sometimes. That’s also another blog for another day and he then went on to post some very bitter comments about me on social media! That is how bothered he is if his girlfriend even sees it. Crazy!
The problem with both these guys is that they get away with it, so to them, it’s ok to do it. The girlfriend of guy number 2 knows he’s cheated, repeatedly, but she does nothing and stays put. This sends a clear message to him that it’s ok to behave the way he does.
At this moment in time, I presume that the girlfriend of guy 1 has no idea what he gets up to and I highly suspect I’m not the only one he’s sent such messages to. I’m sure in time he’ll get caught out, but I’m sure she will do nothing.
Why do nothing about it?
Let me just point out here, it’s not the girl’s fault that they do nothing. In both these cases, the guys are stereotypical, deluded narcissists. I seem to find myself referring to narcissists a lot latterly. But I think that’s something for another blog post another day.
These guys totally believe their own bullshit and that they are something super special. They love to talk about themselves more than anything else. Actually, any other topic is strictly off-limits and they won’t entertain the conversation. It truly is all me, myself and I. They are also master manipulators and will have everyone believe what great guys they are. All those except the ones that spot the signs and run for the exit. Because that is the only way to deal with a true narcissist. Run!
Guys like this can and will totally suck you in and have you dancing to their tune in no time at all. They can have you hanging on every word and totally blindside you to what they get up to when you aren’t looking. If you question them, be warned, it will all be your fault. You see they are never, ever wrong. They could chop your legs off and then tell you it’s your fault you can’t walk.
Sexting may not be a physical act, but you can be damn sure that with guys like this, should the opportunity arise, they will be on it like a car bonnet! And the fact they are cheating on you won’t raise an ounce of guilt with them.
If a guy can send messages like that to a girl he has no intention of actually being in a relationship with, then make no mistake, he doesn’t care one bit for your emotional well-being. He is quite ok with hurting you for the sake of what? Exactly what? A cheap thrill and perhaps the chance of getting some sneaky explicit photos to look at? That is how little respect he has for you.
Often women will tell you, it’s not the physical act of cheating that hurts them, it’s the emotional act that hurts the most.
So girls if you happen to be in a relationship with a guy like this, cut your losses now. If you think you’re in a relationship with a narcissist then get help! And then run for your life!
As for me, will I be telling the guys, unsuspecting girlfriend, what he’s been up to? On this occasion no. I’m sure he would take too much delight in painting me in a bad light if I did. And using that old line, “It means nothing to me” Like Vienna.
So I just wrote a blog post about it instead. And just for future reference, if you happen to be one of the mentioned guys and you’re reading this. I never delete. Ever. I’ve learned that one from guys that lie in the past. I learnt to back everything up and keep hold of the evidence. Even the Snapchats.
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