First dates can be stressful. And coming up with first date questions without sounding like you are interrogating your date can be tough
To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before
To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before
I started writing this post as my annual post-Valentines whinge and moan. God damn Valentines. It’s more annoying than Christmas. Well in my opinion anyway. Why do we need a day to profess our love to those we should be telling we love them every day? I’m single at the moment but when I think of Valentine’s past it reminds me of all the boys I’ve loved before. Probably why it took me so long to finish writing this post. ** That’s a joke by the way before anyone states the obvious.
I don’t have that many ex’s that I regret them being an ex. Actually, when I come to think of it, there aren’t even that many I can still tolerate. Well, tolerate enough to still speak to. There are some though that I’d gladly meet with, chat with, probably still even enjoy their company. But like all ex’s, they remain an ex for a very good reason.
There are some that I think of fondly. The nicer ones were probably too nice for me. No, not that I’m saying I wasn’t good enough for them. Indeed, every girl should believe she is good enough for any man. I mean more so that they couldn’t handle me and let me away with being a pain in the arse. I openly admit that I’m a bit of a handful. I wouldn’t say I’m high maintenance but I’m not meek and mild and in any situation in life I’m more than vocal about sticking up for myself. I’m no pushover.
However, the flipside of that is that I can be a stroppy little madam at times and need telling to pipe down occasionally. But, that’s not the same as not having my opinions respected or not being listened to. More, just a little friendly nudge to let me know I might need to reign my ranting in.
Whereby I like a man to be a bit of a challenge and not just nod and say yes to me a lot, I like him to challenge me to be a better person and make sure that the best version of me gets out of the right side of the bed each day. When a bloke is just too nice and thinks that the sun shines out of my backside and won’t tell me I’m being a cow when I’m very clearly being a cow, then he belongs in the too nice category.
But to those guys, I hold no animosity.
And then we have the bad ones. And I’ve had more than my fair share of the bad ones. It’s probably why I have some really irrational fears of dating now that I wrote about last year. I seem to have a collection of them all. The liars, the cheats, the ones leading double lives, the wife they forgot to mention, the string of other women they forgot to mention. The manipulators, the narcissists, the gas lighters, the straight out abusive. It’s amazing what you can learn from other peoples bad behaviour.
Some of them I regret. Some I’m glad I met as they taught me some hard lessons in life. And there are the ones that I know are just really bad life choices. But we all live and learn.
Always A Story
I don’t know if it’s just me but each and every love in my life seems to come with a tale to tell. My friends tell me to write books about my tales. I fear I’d spend a lot of time with a solicitor if I did. Granted it would all be the truth. But some people get a little fearful of the truth coming out. Don’t they boys?
These tales should teach us to look for red flags and spot the bad boys a bit easier. Naturally, we ignore them. Bad boys have a way of coming across as great boys until their true colours show, but it’s too late. They’ve reeled you in.
The One That Got Away
And then there was one. The one that got away. The one that ticked all the boxes. Who put a smile on my face. But fate intervened and he was never a relationship nor an ex. I think of him fondly and still hold him in high regard. I often wish he’d pick the phone up. But I don’t call him. He listened to the wrong tales but someday he will know the truth and I hope he won’t feel bad for the mistakes he made. I don’t blame him for it. He just forgot there are always two sides to every tale. Sometimes good people make bad choices (I’m the queen of that one), but it doesn’t mean they are bad people. It just means they are human and we all make mistakes.
** An update to this 2 years later – I’m now glad he got away as I later found out that he’d tried to stitch me up in a totally unrelated matter. Turns out he wasn’t such a nice guy after all! That was a lucky escape!
Just Say it!
My recent brush with death has made me do a lot of thinking. I’m still not back to full health and there have been a few complications along the road to recovery. But that’s another story. Nearly dying though has made me think of all the things I never said and all the things I never did. The problem with that level of thinking is that it brings about regret. Most regrets I can live with. Some I give myself the occasional kick for. But not telling someone what they mean to you; now that’s a big regret.
So today’s profound thinking lesson to you is this; Rather than having an overly long internal dialogue with yourself about how you think someone is amazing, or how much they mean to you. Just damn well tell them!!! Stop holding back!
Imagine how you would feel if you got a random message from someone in your life telling you that you mean the world to them? You’d probably be quite delighted. You may not welcome the romantic advances or be interested in the person in that way, but just knowing that someone appreciates your awesomeness will probably make you feel kinda great. So if you can do that for someone else why haven’t you done it already?
Instead of mooching over another Valentine’s Day gone, pick your phone up and tell someone they are amazing and mean the world to you. Or just ask that cute boy if he fancies coffee next week.
As for me. I’ll just be over here regretting the one that got away and not taking my own advice. But imagining sharing my bag of sweets with him and arguing over the last Pear Drop.
Ok that’s enough warm and fuzzy from me for one day. I need to go and find a dose of sarcasm from somewhere.
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