First dates can be stressful. And coming up with first date questions without sounding like you are interrogating your date can be tough
Sorry Really Is The Hardest Word
Sorry Really Is The Hardest Word
Now I know many of you are here for Tinder Tales Part 2. By god do I know you’ve been waiting for it because my DM’s have been more active than a hookers knickers this past week! There will be a follow up from my Swipe Right blog. Let’s just say it’s a work in progress. It took a bizarre turn a few hours ago that now has me sat in bed at 3.20am unable to sleep so I thought I might as well get the laptop out.
Something has annoyed me that started with something really weird happening, that then became someone trying to gaslight me into not writing Tinder Tales 2 instead of them just saying sorry. I was nice at first and offered an olive branch. Now I’m just pissed off that someone felt they had the right to judge how I earn a living and use low life tactics in the process when I’d already said I wouldn’t blog them. I have never ever named and shamed anyone in my 12 years of doing this shit and I’m not about to lose my integrity for some paranoid dick that overreacts to a clear joke because they have control issues and shit to hide.
Unfortunately, I didn’t just floated up the Ribble in a bubble and I’m well experienced with spotting red flags when they start coming thick and fast. I’m not as dumb as I look.
Incidentally, it’s become really obvious lately that I’ve got lots more male readers than female. I get a lot more comments and messages from men relating to what I write. Lots of you have asked me to write posts that are geared to helping blokes out from a female point of view, with my usual brutal, savage humour.
Lads, we need to talk about your inability to say sorry and the absolute dick move that it is.
I’ll also add a disclaimer here. I know that most men are extremely nice. As much as my inner feminist that fights for equality would love to men bash, I don’t. There’s just a few of you that are letting the side down, so collectively lads, we need to sort them out. For all your sakes!
Some of the nicest people I know are men. Tonight I summoned my male panel, basically, male friends who I know will tell me the brutal truth, and asked them about the Tinder Tales thing. Was I being a dramatic cow and making a big deal out of something and nothing? No! They thought I was being too soft and too nice by even offering an olive branch. They couldn’t believe that I hadn’t been more savage. Fair enough then.
I have male friends that are ex’s who I probably trust more now than when I was with them! And before you all start, because I know you’re reading dear ex’s, I wouldn’t even tell you if you were the one that got away. So, stop asking!
Point being, I do not believe that all men are trash. At the same time, I don’t believe that all women are angels either. Girls, sometimes you don’t help matters. But here’s the thing; why can’t people just say sorry!!!!!!
See that’s what happens when a woman speaks up. We get called psychos. Lads, why do you behave like dicks, do things that you should know are wrong, because it’s just common courtesy. And then call women psychos when they call out your bad behaviour? How about, when you do something stupid when you behave like a 3-year old that lost its dummy or get caught out with what you thought would be a little white lie, just say sorry!
I don’t know if it’s just situations that I’ve encountered in the past year. But it seems to be a thing more so than ever before that people just can’t apologise. I’ve seen so many things in so many different scenarios that have just dramatically escalated simply because someone didn’t apologise at the start. And by someone, I’m sorry lads, but in my experiences, it has been men. I dare say there are women out there that do exactly the same things, but I can only speak from my own experience.
But when you start with this psycho bullshit, guess what that does? It makes matters worse! Give a dog a bad name and it will just bark twice as loud. Rather than taking the attitude that it’s the woman that’s wrong and crazy, why don’t you look at what you did that made her that way? If you can’t recognise your own bad behaviour and the impact it may have on another person, then it’s probably a therapist you need not a girlfriend/wife. Sorry, but you wanted the truth.
Cause And Effect
Every action has a reaction. If you do something nice you get thanked. Or at least you should and if you don’t then you need to remind the person of their manners. If you do something shitty it will probably impact on someone else. There is huge media attention around mental health and by goodness, it’s a subject I really can talk about. But it doesn’t matter how much media attention there is around it, people still do shitty things to others without considering the impact it has.
They might just be small things, insignificant almost. But what might be insignificant to you and of no importance, could be part of a long line of shitty things for someone else who is reaching the end of their tether. Kindness costs nothing.
A lot of you reading this will never have to deal with the impact of suicide. I have. It’s an impact like nothing else. I couldn’t even give you a comparison to it. And it’s an impact that never goes away. Ever. But it teaches you something. It teaches you that you have absolutely no idea what is going on in someone else’s mind. You never know when someone is on the brink. You have no idea that another anxiety attack might be the one that leaves someone unstable for 6 months. You have no idea!
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying my earlier run in left me suicidal. Far from it. But I’ve made no secret of the anxiety issues I’ve had for years now. I’m lucky and have people who are there for me at the drop of a hat and know how to keep me on track. Tonight, I actually had something really funny going on at the same time so there was balance and I spotted what was going on before I gave it too much headspace. My bullshit detectors did their job well and the male panel was on the ball.
But not everyone has that level of resilience or a crack team of mental health friends who know what could possibly trigger you. Some people just suffer in silence time after time. How would you feel if something you did or said sent someone on a downward spiral? Would it not just be easier to say sorry rather than pushing the blame for your bad behaviour on to someone else? Think about it.
I get that often, very often, apologising involves a certain amount of pride swallowing and admitting you were wrong. Guess what, if you put your pride before the feelings of another person then you have some real issues going on. Get over it. Climb down. Being a better person will get you a lot further in life than behaving like a spoilt privileged brat.
We all have bad days. We all have shit going on and like I just said none of us know what goes on in others minds. I’ve had terrible days where I’ve torn strips off people and been a level of bitch that could put Cruella to shame. But rather than hanging on to my pride and the need to be right, if, when I am wrong, I always, absolutely always apologise. Jeez, I even apologise for stuff when I don’t need to purely because I couldn’t forgive myself if I hurt someone’s feelings in the process and that had an impact on them.
At the same time, if something happens and I have done or said something, but I was right and popular opinion says I’m right, then I’m going to stand my ground. In other words, if I’m standing my ground, just apologise because I won’t be backing down. And as many of you know, because you’ve been following me for long enough, I am not the person to pick a fight with. Likewise, if I offered you an olive branch and you didn’t take it, dick move.
Kindness costs nothing. Don’t be afraid to show it. If sorry really is the hardest word but you want to make peace with someone, then do something nice. Even the smallest of gestures can go a very long way. Build bridges before it’s too late.
Instead of calling a woman a psycho for telling you-you’re a dick, try learning from what she’s telling you so you don’t make the same mistakes again. And rather than adding fuel to the fire, just be nice!
You know that saying about honestly being the best policy. It really, truly is.
If you’re going to piss someone off and burn bridges, then by god be sure you know what you’re doing. Be prepared to stand by that decision and own your shit. Don’t run and hide from it, because that really will escalate matters. Bad behaviour has a nasty habit of coming back to bite. And karma has teeth.
Now nice men that are reading this, you also have a responsibility to call out the bad behaviour of other men. Stop laughing and joking with them about some bird who’s a psycho. Instead, ask them what they did to make her react like that. When you think they’ve made a dick move, tell them! They probably won’t listen to the nagging woman but chances are they’ll listen to you. And it’s your duty to protect your fellow males from being labelled as trash!
For every bloke that makes a dick move, there’s another bloke that has to jump through hoops of fire because a woman put up with one too many dick moves. And visa-versa! Just grown some feckin balls lads!
Personally, I have huge respect for anyone that can come back from a dick move and apologise for it. It demonstrates emotional maturity and a knowledge that the world doesn’t revolve around them. They may not make it back on to my Christmas card list, but I’ll have an ounce of respect for them still. And if a matter occurred that they needed me for, I’d probably answer the phone to them.
So now we’ve established that sorry isn’t that difficult and it can stop a whole host of things escalating, will you promise me boys that you will start using it more? And using it properly and meaning it? I don’t want to have to start telling you about how women know when you say it and don’t mean it. We are women. Our senses are so finely tuned we have bat levels of hearing and bullshit detectors that work within a 50-mile radius. And we aren’t stupid.
Finally, back to where we started. If you’re using dating apps and behaving like a dick in any way shape or form, refer back to my last post about swiping right, then for the love of all things holy, grow a fucking backbone! If you’re a dick and get caught out being a dick, please do not resort to further dick moves. Just own your shit. And don’t say a woman is causing drama when you did the dick move in the first place. That’s gaslighting and it’s a very big red flag.
The online dating world is brutal and quite honestly, it’s nasty. People think it’s not real because it’s an app. No, they are real people, with real feelings and real lives and real shit to deal with. You might be just passing the time of day but they may have serious shit going on. Always remember to treat others how you wish to be treated yourself. If you behave like trash then don’t complain when others treat you like trash. Just be nice! And say sorry if you behave like a dick!
Right, it’s 4.50am and I now need to get some sleep before I tackle Tinder Tales 2! Say sorry!
P.S Do you remember that time we talked about sexting being cheating?
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